easter week / tuesday

What would you do if you knew that you had 3 days to live?

That was Christ's position on Tuesday of Passion Week.  Personally, I probably would've chosen to spend it with family and close friends, terrified, self-absorbed, and overwhelmed. 

But Christ chose to spend it with his enemies. (say what?) Yes. He chose to spend the day with those who were about to falsely turn him in, spit on him and ensure his death. 

I think I know why. 

Christ came to be the Master Teacher. His role and his own desire was to be our exemplar and friend, no matter who we are. That mission required complete selflessness, even during his last 48 hours. 

The pharisees and public authorities who confronted him that day sought to bring him down and trip him up on his words.  They wanted to reassert their own power and discredit his own. 

Christ didn't reply trying to justify his cause, instead he taught simple truths through parables.  

I don't think many pharisees took his lesson to heart that day, but there were multitudes of people surrounding Christ and listening to him that day. Maybe the majority still spit on him and crucified him hours later, but what about the one?

 I am confident that for Christ, even if only one person listened and obeyed, it was all worth it.

And maybe that one is me. With the infinite perspective of a God, Christ foresaw me (and all of us) reading His words through the scriptures two millennia later. 

I was worth it. 

I am so grateful for the teachings of Jesus Christ. Everything he taught, by word and example, is the formula for how I can live a happy life. 

I hope I will always remember to cherish His counsel and feast upon the scriptures, so that I can take advantage of all He did. 

With just hours left, He taught. 

His accusers didn't listen, but I'm listening. 

easter week / monday

I am so stoked for Easter this weekend, not just because of how special it is but because it's my BFF Amanda's birthday and we're going to conference!

So that's what's getting me through this week.

But beyond the fun, I wanted to focus on my Savior this week. 

I feel like my relationship with Him is strong, but it can always be deepened.

I'm stealing an idea from easter.mormon.org to study Christ's last week on earth.

Each day I'll be using the website as well as The New Testament and "Jesus the Christ" by James E Talmage to learn more about Christ's example and why it matters in my life.

I truly believe that having Jesus Christ in my life has changed everything and it brings me so much comfort and joy knowing that He'll always be here for me.

Join me if ya want in growing closer to Him this week!

(sorry, I'm already on #missionarymode #convertallthepeople. jk. but seriously.)

Monday: Cleansing the Temple

Soon after Christ arrived in Jerusalem, he went to the temple. 

In our church, the temple is the closest thing to heaven that we have here on earth. It's a holy sanctuary and literally the House of the Lord.  

Since Christ just a few decades earlier (which is nothing in His time frame) had been in heaven, he probably had a certain expectation of what the temple would look and feel like.  

But it wasn't anything he expected. 

"In the outer courts were stalls of oxen, pens of sheep, cages of doves and pigeons; and the ceremonial fitness of these sacrificial victims was cried aloud by the sellers, and charged for in full measure." - Talmage

What he did next may come off as anger, spiteful, even violent. 

"He promptly applied physical force...Hastily improvising a whip of small cords, He laid about Him on every side, liberating and driving out sheep, oxen, and human traffickers, upsetting the tables of the exchangers and pouring out their heterogeneous accumulations of coin."  

Why would Jesus Christ act like that?

He explains himself when he "thundered forth a command that made them quail: "Make not my Father's house an house of merchandise." 

It wasn't anger or violence, it was courage.  Christ didn't hesitate to act and He definitely didn't sugarcoat it when dealing with the temple. He understood that it is the House of the Lord, and absolutely sacred. 

Whether it was popular or not, He defended the temple. 

Defending the temple, for me, is defending my family.  

Inside the Salt Lake temple is where my grandparents and parents were sealed for time and eternity.

It will always be a source of peace and power in my life.  

I believe wholeheartedly in the work that goes on in the temple. I know that there is life after death and the temple is the bridge between this life and the next.  Not only can I receive ordinances for myself like my endowment and marriage sealing, but I can also perform those ordinances for those who have passed on.  Those individuals then have a choice in heaven to receive those ordinances if they so choose. 

For some outside our faith, the temple is an easy target to attack, but whatever opposition comes, I will never deny what I have felt within those walls and my testimony of its truth. 

For Jesus Christ, the temple was sacred, holy, and of utmost importance.

So it is for me too. 

let's talk about photography

So what even is this photography thing? 

Think about it. 

Step 1: Hold camera.

Step 2: Press button. 

It's a staple of life. Everyone can take a picture so what makes it "a thing" so to speak? 

There seem to be two attitudes toward photography:

First, there are the people that do it for a living like Ty and Jaci (if you speak the instagram language, you know who they are). They travel the world on a monthly basis getting paid the big bucks with only a high school diploma. Here's what they say about photography: 

Ty: "My inspiration stems from capturing memories that will last a lifetime. Stylistically I love to create beautiful and unique photos that cater to the emotions associated with the event being captured.  The images I capture for each client allow there to be a permanence of this step in your life and allow them to treasure it through their lifetime." 

Jaci: "The art of photography is something I am utterly captivated by. I love that you can click a button, take a photo and have that moment documented for the rest of your life. It really is amazing!" 

And you have to give it to them, some of their work is stunning. 

But then you have the other side - people who may or may not see the value in photography and think anyone can be a photographer with the right equipment and editing programs. 

My opinion lies somewhere in the middle. 

I do believe that photographers are genuinely talented for the following reasons:

- being one requires some serious technical knowledge (there is a heck of a lot of equipment and program skill involved)

- you have to be creative. I'm really not that creative, but my bestie Anna is. When we go on adventures (and bring a whole new meaning to overload) that girl thinks of all the lighting, angle, pose, etc details that would just never occur to me.

- photographing people is way different than just scenery.  You have to be personable and, again, have a creative and aesthetic eye when you capture families and individuals.  

So that's what sets apart the talented from the amateur. 

But even with those criteria, there's the editing game. Let me tell you, there is quite the spectrum of people and their filter usage, instagramically speaking.  I think it's totally a personal thing, but you walk a fine line between enhancing the picture and losing the raw, natural value.  

One of my favorite instagram users is @elise.sykes. She's not a photographer, but I'm obsessed with her pictures 1. because of her adorable family and contagious personality and 2. because she never edits her photos. 

I love that she captures the most beautiful details of life in their "purest" form.

Ultimately, I don't think editing is a huge deal as long as you're capturing the meaningful parts of life and being yourself. My favorite instagram users are my favorites because of who they are, not because of their photography skill. 

So to summarize this jumbled array of thoughts: photography is totally a thing.

 It's a beautiful, fun, and important vehicle for preserving and cherishing memories and not just anyone can take quality pictures.  

I'm definitely not a photographer, but I'd like to think I'm better than your average joe at clicking the button (and shoutout to the best friend for teaching me a thing or two ;)

 My camera roll is always growing and this blog will never be short of an overload, #sorrynotsorry, but going forward: my goal is to document the meaningful and appreciate the raw & natural. 

With that, here's this week: unedited. 

And happy birthday to my wonderful, loving, do-it-all, kind, talented, & beautiful mom!

Love you more than you know.

snapshots

My beautiful, laughter loving, snapchat sending, hair braiding, kind, sweet, & hilarious roommate/best friend/sister Allie Nicole Kharas turned 19 this week!  

(along with 2 other friends on our floor and half of campus)

I made a cute breakfast in bed delivery ^ thank you jamba

& then while putting up balloons in a heart shape on her closet door...accidentally woke up the birthday girl..ahh! sorry love!

Besides that mishap, it was a fun day filled with chik-fil-A salads & card game tournaments, 

& a fancy lunch at the Skyroom the next day! 

Celebration is our forté.

Then I cried multiple times this week when I walked outside to this.

Sunshine + the aroma of fresh blossoms + 70 degrees = level of happiness increased by 40%

I mean, how could it not??

...then there was this campus sighting. #idontevenlikeanimals

^^^ cute birthday girls!!

^^^ soaking it in while debating whether I should chop off the mane or not...thoughts?

So in 20 years when my kids wonder what I was like my freshman year, here it is kids! 

Birthday celebrating, biology studying, major deciding (some breakthroughs this week...more on that later), temple going, smoothie drinking, future planning, mission preparing, & life loving! 

weekend, i love you

This weekend we celebrated:

- Pi day with the homemade apple pie we were going to make -- but after contemplating the necessary time, cooking expertise, and ingredients -- opted for pie shakes at Zeke's

- Allie's 19th birthday with garlic naan bread from India Palace, Cinderella in theaters, browsing the mall, & the delish pie shakes 

- Tyler's mission call to ST PETERSBURG RUSSIA. It was the best seeing how unbelievably excited he is. He's been studying Russian this entire year and wanted to go to Russia so badly! So happy for him.

- Spring sunshine -- or should I say summer?? oh wait it's still Winter -- well either way, 75 degrees, you can stay. 

I'm still in denial that in exactly one month, classes will be over. done. mission accomplished.

...except the week-that-must-not-be-named.

starts with the letter F and rhymes with...wow nothing rhymes with it. 

Not cool, finals. 

be still

03.11.15

Today I spent my sunny afternoon in this beautiful place.  It was exactly what I needed. 

"It is important to be still and listen and follow the Spirit. We simply have too many distractions to capture our attention, unlike any time in the history of the world.

Everyone needs time to meditate and contemplate. Even the Savior of the world, during His mortal ministry, found time to do so: “And when he had sent the multitudes away, he went up into a mountain apart to pray: and when the evening was come, he was there alone.”

We all need time to ask ourselves questions or to have a regular personal interview with ourselves. We are often so busy and the world is so loud that it is difficult to hear the heavenly words “be still, and know that I am God.”

In addition to finding time to contemplate and meditate, we also need to find a place, as mentioned in the Doctrine and Covenants, that will be “a defense, and … a refuge from the storm.”

We need a special place of refuge where we can wean ourselves from the distractions of our electronic devices by unplugging them so we can connect to the Spirit of God.

One of the best places to connect with the Spirit is in the temple—the house of the Lord."

M. Russell Ballard

the district

While The Bachelor finale is going wild on social media tonight, I'm seizing the chance to rave about my favorite tv series: The District.

It's not a documentary or show exactly - it's real life segments of the lives of missionaries; non-scripted and unrehearsed.  It's part of our "missionary homework" before we head out in the field, but I'm telling you -- it just became my favorite homework. 

Seriously, this weekend I watched every episode. 

I would put my laptop on the counter next to the sink while I straightened my hair and basically procrastinated all the other stuff I had to do :)

After watching it, I felt so inspired and uplifted by these 8 missionaries. They teach from the heart and I felt like their joys and sorrows were mine, as cheesy as that sounds.  Some of them have gone through some really tough things -- the Elder on the bottom in the white shirt has cancer and the Sister on the top left lost a brother while she was on her mission.  

Even with trials, they are so strong in their faith and their love for the people they teach.  

It made me SO excited to get out there and follow their examples.  

Elder Moreno, (top left) said at one point: "I don't know why I'm so happy. I'm tired all the time and yet I am so happy." 

That's my vision for my life in 3 months. 

I want to lose myself in the work and find happiness through other people, not myself. 

There is no doubt in my mind that The District is inspired.  I felt the Spirit witness to me that what they're doing is true.

It's all true. 

far from perfect

My Senior year Lit. teacher had a sign on her door that said: 

"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle." 

I swear that has never been more true than here at BYU. You would think that everyone here has an awesome life; or at least they're intelligent, accomplished, talented, and faithful in the Church, right?

While that may be true, I've discovered that some of these people have been through, or are going through, some really hard family and/or personal struggles. 

I've met people with divorced parents, people who struggle in their testimony, people who feel remorse over past mistakes, people who have lost a parent, people that are the only member of the Church in their family, people who struggle with severe depression, eating disorders, people who have been diagnosed with cancer, and people who lack a support system at home. 

I guess that paints a pretty sad picture of this place, but don't get me wrong. Those are just the tough things I've encountered from the inspiring individuals I've met. 

But it has been a wake-up call for me that I need to be kind to everyone I meet. 

I have no idea what they're going through or what they've gone through; whether it's being diagnosed with thyroid cancer or just a really rough day. 

It has taught me to be less judgmental, a better listener, more patient, and has helped me get through my own struggles knowing that no one has a perfect life. 

I'm also so grateful for the perfect example I have to emulate: Jesus Christ. 

"For the mountains shall depart and the hills be removed, but my kindness shall not depart from thee." 3 Nephi 22:10

My Savior is telling me that no matter what, in every circumstance, with everyone, and through everything, His kindness will not depart. 

He will always love, care, listen to, and protect me. 

So I should be doing the same for others. 

People say that kindness can change the world; and maybe at times the only person we change is ourselves, but to Heavenly Father that is changing the world. 

friday friday friday

Reasons to be happy today: 

- the sun is shining and the mountains are covered in snow, beautiful as always

- my hair decided to curl in baby ringlets on the side of my head 

- Christ is involved in every detail: "I will go before them...in the midst...and I will be their rearward." 

- the strawberries and bananas were ripe at the CANC

- I can see two of my favorite places -- the temple and mt. timp from my library spot

- my tendinitis is healing and I was able to dance today

& 

- party with my dance people 2nite.

happy weekend!

one year ago

Do you ever go back and see what you were doing a year ago? 

K maybe that's just me. 

But really, it's cool to look back on where I was 365 days ago; what I wrote about, what I was wearing (wardrobe really hasn't changed), the things that stressed me out, and what I was looking forward to. 

March 5, 2014:

I wrote about Christ's grace after a bike ride up Roxyann peak.

I had a piano recital for my students.

I had just been accepted to BYU.

I was anxiously awaiting scholarship notifications.

I still had some of the same trials/weaknesses. 

I wore that floral scarf basically every day.

And I was counting down to spring break in Costa Rica with my best friend. 

Life was good. 

Not perfect, but good. 

Now 365 days later, March 5, 2015

I'm 80% through my freshman year of college (that's 26 weeks. wowza)

I'm kind of burned out of ballet.

I have my mission call to Perú.

I write about my testimony more often. 

I'm obsessed with Jamba Juice.

I have regrets sometimes over things that didn't work out as I pictured. 

I have way more confidence in academia this semester. 

I have some close friends going through some hard things. 

I still love mountains, pump-up running playlists, and floral scarves. 

And I'm counting down to going home in April and my mission in June. 

Life is still really, really good. 

I'm definitely different than I was a year ago.

In one year I graduated high school, performed with Studio Roxander for the last time, went to 2 countries, biked the rim of Crater Lake, summitted peaks, went on adventures with family, auditioned and made Ballet Showcase, started college, made new friends, and got my mission call.  

One year, people. 

A lot can happen. 

And on March 5, 2016:

I'll be halfway through my journey as Hermana Parks in the northwestern corner of Perú. 

Life will be good. 

Probably more so than I can imagine.

And through it all, I hope this will always be my mantra: 

"Happiness is a journey, not a destination. For a long time it seemed to me that life was about to begin--real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served a debt to be paid. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life. This perspective has helped me see there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. So treasure every moment you have and remember that time waits for no one." 

random at its finest

If there's one thing I've learned living in Utah thus far, it's:

expect the unexpected. 

I woke up to a chilly, clear day and walked to class.

An hour and half later I stepped outside to this...

By 2pm it had all melted and blue skies again. 

I don't understand. 

Not complaining though; I still marvel at how beautiful this place is every single day. 

Also: new favorite dish at the Cannon:

I call it wafflés a là banana.  

Already converted the roommate so trust me, you're gonna wanna try this if you're ever in the CANC. 

Scripture of the Day:

3 Nephi 19:26 "And Jesus said unto them: Pray on."

It's so simple but I believe so strongly that prayer is power. 

I've seen it in my own life and the lives of those around me. 

"I need thee ev'ry hour;

Stay thou nearby.

Temptations lose their pow'r

When thou art nigh."

Some sours of the day: 

I cannot wait until I have a car here @ the Y-- I couldn't go to the temple today because of an injury (it's a 1-mile walk) 

andd I confirmed that my MTC report date is 2 weeks later than planned. 

BUT. I know that everything happens for a reason. I'm meant to learn something from this injury and I know that experiences await me that I won't have unless I go to Perú on June 16.

It's all about trusting in the plan. 

Day 3 social media fast complete. 

Stay rad, friends. 

what did i get myself into

Completely honest right now, I am nervous and scared for my mission.

Maybe it's because of the hermana's blog I was reading today (same mission):

"Water is so hard to get here. They have to bring it to you in big jugs! So we ran out of drinking water about 2 days ago..."

"I might sizzle like an egg here. It is HOT HOT HOT. I've never sweat so much in my entire life." 

"We were contacting a guy in the street and he confronted us about exactly where Christ came to the Americas and said "you girl need study, you don't even know your own doctrine."" 

"God really tested my testimony. Not that I ever doubted my testimony, but I felt kind of weak. Thoughts of discouragement came like what am I doing why am I here kind of days." 

So it dawned on me. This is going to be hard. 

Really, really hard.

In a few months here I'm going to know what it's like to be disappointed, suffering from the heat, persecuted, discouraged, homesick, and burned out. 

My mission call was not a passport to a vacation to a foreign country. This is a call to serve, whatever the cost. 

And don't get me wrong, this hermana isn't a pessimistic missionary having the worst experience of her life, those are just the hard parts I picked out of her posts :)

But I love that she is real and raw about her experience. Here's another excerpt I love: 

"It was hard for me when I first got here in the mission field. The whole day I walked around thinking about myself. Thinking about how homesick I was, how much I wanted to eat food from home, how much I didn't want to speak spanish or practice another lesson that I didn't know how to teach then have my trainer tell me what I did wrong. People would tell me how bad I couldn't speak Spanish. Negativity at it's finest. I didn't enjoy waking up in the mornings. Ugh Another Day (so I thought). Don't let me fool you I am so great right now. This was when I got here. It was HARD. I got discouraged and counting the days. Well people I can tell you that missionary work was never easy! Do you think Christ had a jolly time being persecuted or Joseph Smith. Nope they didn't and neither did Hermana Stringham because she didn't know how to LOVE. Today I am a different person. Yeah it's okay if we teach 20 minutes longer and I have 20 minutes less of free time in the night time, because I am helping someone. I am trying to love someone and give them what I love most. THE GOSPEL. I used to live the gospel but now I LOVE the gospel. It is apart of who I am. 

That is my long spheeellll. Don't be suprised. Every missionary feels this way they just don't have the guts to write it. 

Through trials come blessings. Through trials come STRENGTH. I am a stronger person than I was a year ago."

That statement strengthened me a lot, along with my scripture study today in 3 Nephi Chapter 18: 

When Christ was visiting the Americas he instituted the sacrament to his 12 disciples and asked them to eat of the bread and wine and share it with the multitude. He told them: "Blessed are ye for this thing which ye have done, for this is fulfilling my commandments, and this doth witness unto the Father that ye are willing to do that which I have commanded you." 

So this is a small thing he's asking them to do--just eat the bread and wine and give it to the multitude--but it is an act of witnessing to Him that they're willing to do what they're commanded to do. The disciples at the time probably didn't know what they were in for; they were about to go out and teach hundreds of people who didn't have the truth and eventually be killed for what they believe.     But because of their faith in Jesus Christ, they did it. 

When I read this, I thought of my mission call. Really, it's a small thing. "Dear so-and-so, you're hereby called to this country speaking this language. Report to the MTC at this date to serve for 18 months."  

Those instructions really aren't that complicated -- but when I accepted that call to Piura I was witnessing to my Father that from here on out, I am His. I will do anything He asks me to do. 

Just like the disciples, I don't really know what I'm in for. But I know that it is worth it because of my faith in Him.  

So to tie this all together: what exactly are the blessings I'm going to get from these rough times--dehydrated in the relentless desert of Perú getting yelled at for what I believe? 

"And if ye shall always do these things blessed are ye, for ye are built upon my rock...a sure foundation, whereon if [you] build [you] cannot fall."

"And if ye do always remember me, ye shall have my Spirit to be with you." 

"And if ye shall bring save it be one soul unto me, how great shall be your joy with him in the kingdom of my Father." 

And as Hermana Stringham described, she has learned how to love and she's stronger for it. 

Those blessings are so worth it. 

I was nervous and scared about an hour ago, but Heavenly Father has witnessed to me that I cannot fall if I follow Him on this journey. 

He's already walked it before, and he'll be with me every step of the way. 

side note: I noticed today that it says I have 105 days to go but that just doesn't add up for June 2, so I looked into it further and MY DATE WAS CHANGED. My heart sunk when I saw "June 16" because  that means I'll have to wait another 2 weeks...but I'm not giving up hope because it might be a mistake or something...I'll find out tomorrow.

But even if it's for real, I trust God's timing and I know it's for a reason. 

week of fasting

Sunday was March 1st (first of all, I just barely reconciled the fact that it was february. I can't keep up with life right now). Second of all, that means fast sunday for the Mormon church. 

24 hours no food no water, zip, nada. 

But it's more than just starvation, it's actually a way to learn self-mastery. 

I look at it like this: we have this bodily appetite, right? We need food. (and esp. water b/c I basically drink crater lake every day) 

When we go without those things, we're overcoming our "natural man" to gain spiritual strength. 

In that state of physical weakness, we remember how much we need the bread of life, our Savior Jesus Christ, even more than physical food. 

I'm personally more in tune with the Spirit on Fast Sundays and I experience a greater access to God's help. 

As was said in a lesson at church, "fasting is a purifying process." 

And then the goal is to seek to retain that spirit of fasting even after fast sunday. 

So this week I was like -- "challenge accepted".

Commence: Operation Social Media Fast 

I know, I know technically blogging is social media...but I'll be posting on the daily here about my testimony and tender mercies throughout the week!

(but seriously zero insta, fb, or snapchat)

^^^Deleted. Not a trace.  

Day Número Uno: 

Scripture of the Day: 3 Nephi 17:10 

"And they did all, both they who had been healed and they who were whole, bow down at his feet, and did worship him; and as many as could come for the multitude did kiss his feet, insomuch that they did bathe his feet with their tears." 

It didn't matter whether they were whole or healed, broken or complete, depressed or joyful they all bowed down and worshipped him tearfully.  This became one of my favorite scriptures last year when I realized that I had been waiting until I was whole to come unto Christ, when all along I was getting worse. 

I know from personal experience that when we feel unworthy to pray or inadequate to come before God or feel like our situation is hopeless, THAT is the time to come unto Christ. 

If we wait until we're whole or better or improved or happier, then we'll never get there. 

He asks us to fall at his feet, and as we bathe his feet with our tears, he will heal us. 

Tender mercies:

Okay let's be honest, Mondays are so rough. Especially after staying up ridiculously late all weekend because, college. 

But a definite tender mercy was what my Bishop said yesterday:

"Just get up.

Do what you need to do.

Everything will work out."

And it did. 

I loved the rain which just made the whole day fresh.

I got to dance my heart out to a lyrical jazz routine to Celine Dion (that lady is my idol).

My BoM class was incredible as per usual. Brother Ball is a phenomenal professor and always knows exactly what I need to hear :) 

I was blessed with motivation to get a lot of homework done this afternoon and evening despite being realllyyy tired. 

I decided to meet up with Allie at the Cougareat for dinner (sometimes you just need Chick-fil-A after days of the CANC) 

So we're eating and laughing and start to walk back and...this happened.

Wear your hoodie's, kids. #poorAllie

The night finished off with some Latin American art history, Bio reading, cookie dough ice cream (total hypocrite with that self-mastery talk...tomorrow is a new day haha), scripture study, and blogging. 

Not gonna lie, there were about 57 times when I unlocked my phone only to remember that insta wasn't there but REALITY CHECK SISTER. You don't need instagram. Life is happening. 

I'm already sold on this social media fast thing. It is fantastic. 

Until tomorrow, invisible audience. 

^jokes just realized it's 1am. snap