it's okay to fear

3 Nephi Chapter 3.

Gadianton Robbers vs. Nephites

The Breakdown: there are two types of fear. 

1. There's the fear that gadianton-robber-leader Giddianhi is trying to instill in Lachoneus to get him to give up everything and surrender, and then 2. there's the fear that the Nephites experience from Lachoneus' warning that leads them to "exert themselves in their might to do according to his words."

One fear is threatening / one is empowering.

One is bred in wickedness / one is bred in preparation.

It's okay to fear. 

But it's a different kind of fear. 

We're actually taught in the scriptures to fear God.

So what's there to fear about a loving Father in Heaven?

Bible Dictionary: "The fear of the Lord is frequently spoken of as man's duty. In such passages fear is equivalent to reverence, awe, worship, and is therefore an essential part of the attitude of the mind in which we ought to stand toward the All-holy God." 

It's an attitude. 

Fearing God is acknowledging Him in my life. It's an attitude that empowers me to do better and come closer to Him. 

So when the Gadianton robbers came up against the Nephites, "they were disappointed, for the Nephites did not fear them but they did fear their God and did supplicate him for protection; therefore, when the armies of Gaddianhi did rush upon them they were prepared to meet them; yea, in the strength of the Lord they did receive them." 

So speaking of fear...at the beginning of this week I was suuuper nervous for a few reasons:

1. Ballet midterm. That class is no. joke. 

2. Humanities of Latin America midterm. 4 essays in one test? I was terrified. 

3. Training for a 10k that's NEXT WEEK. I was really down about my progress.

4. Job shadow at the HEFY office that for some reason I was really nervous for. 

5. Performing at the Hunger Banquet in front of 1,000 people. 

Holy moly I almost had a panic attack Sunday night with that list ahead of me. 

Buuuut, I did it. 

Not on my own, but I did it. 

Just like the Nephites relied on the strength of the Lord, I did too. 

I prayed for the mental endurance to complete my runs without stopping; to be calm during my midterms; to remember the performance choreography; to know what to say to friends who were struggling; to be confident as I interviewed professionals; and to get out of bed each morning. 

Not saying that everything went perfectly, because it didn't, but I received comfort and direction and accomplished WAY more than I could have on my own. 

I was fearful, but I was empowered, because of my Father who's by my side. 

^^^also birthday shoutout to the best Dad a girl could ask for^^^

Love you!

20 years of love

February 17, 1995. 

I'm confident that I won the lottery in heaven, because WOW.

 My parents are amazing. 

They have taught me how to love unconditionally, seek to become better, try new things, set goals, enjoy nature, love sports (thanks dad), organize my life (mom all the way), and most importantly to know my Savior and live the gospel. 

Twenty years ago they were sealed for time and all ETERNITY in the Salt Lake Temple. 

Guys, eternity is a long time. So long in fact, that our minds can't even physically understand the concept. 

But that's the awesome thing about Heavenly Father's plan. He created families to be sealed together for an infinite journey of learning and loving -- because let's be honest, eternity is a long time to live with people you don't like. 

I L O V E my parents. 

And their cute/crazy offspring ^

why I chose the single life

Disclaimer: I had no accusatory or judgmental agenda in writing this, just personal experience on something I believe in. It's been sitting as a draft for a while now, I don't know what was stopping me from posting it. So here goes. 

I'll be 19 years old in 3 months and I've never had a boyfriend or kissed a guy.  

Wow she has lived under a rock. 

Not quite. 

If I wanted to, there was nothing stopping me.  

I've had dudes make a move. 

I've been told I'm beautiful. 

I've had dates to prom.

I've received flowers and lengthy texts. 
And, (wait for it) I've liked guys. 

So why not? 

Boyfriends and kissing aren't inherently bad. 

In fact, they're necessary pre-cursors to a future lasting relationship. 

So why?

I have two answers. 

Here's the high school answer: 

A relationship was worth more to me. 

I knew that no matter how great the guy was; attractive, talented, spiritual, etc,  I wasn't ready. 

Me, Christine Parks, was not emotionally, spiritually, or mentally ready for a steady relationship in high school. 

As teenagers we think we're ready.

Or maybe we don't and we just fall for the guy/girl because, hormones.

But we’re not ready to do it for the right reasons.

All too often I've seen relationships built on physical attraction, and that just isn’t worth it to me. 

So when is it worth it? 

It’s worth it when you're ready to get to know people on a dating level as preparation for a true, lasting relationship. i.e. marriage. 

So high school is definitely not the time. 

Even though other people might say otherwise, I didn't miss out on anything by living the single life in high school. I had an awesome experience with awesome guys who I admired and spent time with. Some of them are still my absolute best friends. 

Steady dating was right in front of me, but I turned it down because I hold it to a higher standard.  

Lucky for me, my church backs me up. 

We've been encouraged by church leaders not to steady date until we’re young adults.

Some may disagree with that, and it may be hard to follow, but I know that it’s inspired counsel and
it is worth it. 

Think about it. You can get to know a ton of different people and have all the fun times with zero drama or heartache. Naturally we want the affection part, but if we can control that impulse, we get all the other benefits of solid friendships. 

Then, “as you enter your adult years, make dating and marriage a high priority.” 

Relationships are seriously great - even a priority. But at the right time. 

My college answer: 

Dating guys one-on-one is awesome, valuable, fun, and important.  I learn a lot from them, I see qualities I'd want in a future husband, and I learn how to be a better me. 

But. 

As far as a boyfriend goes, I'm preparing for a mission and leaving in a couple months. 

Don't get me wrong, I didn't walk in determined to leave freshman year single and I'm still not opposed to the boyfriend thing, I'm just not looking for it right now. 

And that, my friends, is why I was single in high school, why I'm single now, and why I'll be single for the next 2 years. 

I value a relationship enough to do it for the right reasons, and I know it'll be worth it.
(Plus Beyoncé's "Single Ladies" is my jam) 

In the words of Imagine Dragons, “Your time will come if you wait for it.”

the calm before the storm

The beginning of this week was absolutely awesome because my best friend got called to the ITALY ROME mission and I am so stoked for him!! 

One of the first things he said after opening it was .. "I need to go to Olive Garden." 

Yes Ebro. Cultural experience right there. 

Perú --> Italia 

I'll be eating guinea pig and rice while he'll be treated to pasta and pastries,

I'm gonna come back with a sweet tan and he's gonna be more white...? haha. 

Two way different languages, hemispheres, & people, but one thing's in common: two missionaries ready to WORK. 

I'm so excited to watch our missions change and refine us into better people than we were before. 

Hurrah for Israel! 

Then the week took a little turn.... let me tell you guys something.

The adversary knows when to bring out his strongest weapons and best tactics. 

I've had friends tell me that the adversary works really hard on you between your mission call and your mission, but I didn't really understand it until now. 

It's so true.

I don't want to scare off any prospective missionaries, but you have to be super active in your personal spiritual habits in order to defend against some degrading influences. 

Like take Wednesday for instance. 

I felt like I needed to go to the temple right after classes so I donned a lightweight skirt to match the sunny weather and walked up my mountain (hill).

Right inside the temple entrance, on your way down to the baptistery is a huge painting on the wall of Christ calming the storm. (This isn't the same painting, but it's the same story depicted). Amidst the fearful, tense, and chaotic scene, Christ stands at the helm, hand outstretched upward towards heaven. I hadn't ever noticed it until that day. 

Little did I know how important that hour of calm would be before the storm I was about to experience. 

I won't go into details, but there were a lot of phone calls made, tears shed, and prayers given that afternoon. It was one of the most emotionally draining days of my college experience, but one that I'm grateful for. I don't know how I would've coped with it all if I hadn't gone to the temple earlier that day. I wouldn't have been as spiritually ready and clear-minded as I needed to be.

That night I felt really down about myself, even though the ordeal didn't directly concern me. 

Three specific things were weighing on me like a really heavy burden and suddenly I lost feeling happy. The adversary can really put you down sometimes. 

A couple days later, one of my friends who also has a mission call expressed the same feelings about an increasing influence of the adversary. 

But good news is, we don't have to be affected by that influence. It just means that we have to increase our personal habits to remain strong, faithful, productive, and happy as we prepare to be missionaries. 

With that, some happier details of Valentine's week!

Third wheeling is my life. Don't mind me, just cropping myself out of the lovey-dovey couples picture :)  I love Amanda & Kyle! (and shoutout to BYU for destroying St. Mary's)

Friday morning class was cancelled, can I get a hallelujah? 

Temples are referred to as "mountains of the Lord" in the scriptures and that is LITERALLY true in Provo. But still one of the best running routes!

I can't think of anything better than getting a tan in February with a good book. (ehhh okay good is the wrong word...semi-interesting forced biology book)

Friday night was a super fun sleepover off-campus at Allie's friend's apartment!

Choc chip cookies, Monster's Inc, falling asleep at 11...? (I guess we were exhausted haha), and a homemade breakfast of pink valentine's pancakes, cocoa almond spread, strawberry sauce, & powdered sugar. 

We left with tummies and hearts happy. 

This Valentine's day I'm grateful for moments of spiritual calm that prepare me for the storms of life. 

Also sunshine, running, good company, & pancakes. 

Happy Day of Love!

I'M GOING TO PERÚ

Crying // NO WAY // holy cow // AHHH I'M SO EXCITED 

The story: 

I have always wanted to serve a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

Always. 

I don't know, even from when I was really young I had a strong desire to be a missionary; I visualized it and knew that it would be a reality someday. It has never felt anything but right.

(Disclaimer: This is definitely just my personal story, I know that many people don't necessarily receive an answer about serving a mission that strongly or early in life.)

As members of our church, we get this really cool blessing called a patriarchal blessing. I received mine when I was 12 (pretty early compared to the average), and I fell in love with the section that talked about my mission and the people I would teach. From then on, it was a countdown to the day when I would receive my call...

January 20th: 120 days before my 19th birthday, my papers were IN. The waiting and guessing game began...

January 30th: It had only been 10 days, so I was COMPLETELY not expecting my call to be there until next week. I woke up, went to jazz class and headed up to the testing center to take a Biology test. While I was trudging up the mile-long Smith Fieldhouse stairs, I noticed a missed call on my phone from an 801 number. I immediately stopped in my tracks. There was no way. No way. Literally it was impossible that it had come. So I called back expecting it to be a call from the front desk about a package or the bookstore about a textbook order or something. 

"Hello, this is the Helaman Halls front desk."

"Hi, I just barely missed a call from you guys." 

"What's your name?"

"Christine Parks."

At this point I'm thinking "oh my gosh. oh my gosh. maybe it really is here."

"We were just calling to let you know that your mission call arrived this morning."

"WHAT. ARE YOU SERIOUS. HOLY COW. REALLY??"

"Yes, you can come pick it up anytime."

At this point, my eyes were bulging out of my brain and I was panicking like someone in the middle of a stroke. The girl nearby on the stairs was like "hey are you okay?"

"yeah I'm fine, I just got my mission call." (hand on my chest, buckled over, trying to comprehend what just happened). 

"Oh congratulations that's awesome!" 

I couldn't stop smiling/freaking out. I immediately called my mom, my dad, my grandma, my best friend from home, my roommate, my other girlfriend, my other friend from home, my best guy friend, and just freaked out more and more announcing the news every single time. 

There was literally NO chance I was taking that Biology test, so I turned around to pick up my life's destiny....

(okay that's a slight exaggeration)

But at least THE MOST IMPORTANT MAIL I HAVE EVER RECEIVED EVER. 

11:15am. It was IN MY HANDS. Focusing in class the rest of the day was basically impossible. 

Somehow I whipped out a 90% on my Biology test. Miracles do happen. 

I had to wait until ELEVEN pm that night to open it because my family was busy and there was a volleyball game, etc. I spent a solid hour of the afternoon watching mission call openings on YouTube and getting SO pumped. I got ready, watched my sweet friend Rachel open her call to PARAGUAY, went to the volleyball game and couldn't even focus on the smokin' hot players (which is saying something), went back, had a dance party in the Mezz with girlfriends, went back to my room, prayed, read my patriarchal blessing, and all of a sudden it was 10:50pm and my life was about to change...

I went to the lobby with all my friends and set up Skype on 4 devices for my family, grandma, and 2 friends from home.  Everything was ready, everyone was there, and the clock struck 11... 

(The video footage wouldn't load but it's on Facebook) 

What was going through my head:

Crying. I feel so blessed to be living the moment I've dreamed of. I'm going to be a missionary. 

Whatever is written on this call, is from The Lord and it's where I'm meant to be.

"Dear Sister Parks: You are hereby called to serve as a missionary of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. You are assigned to labor in the PERÚ PIURA MISSION."

NO. WAY. 

Seriously no way. Completely shocked. (I pretty much knew I was going to Latin America but Perú hadn't even crossed my mind!)

AHHH I'M SO EXCITED. 

Seeing my family's reaction was priceless. My little sister screamed so loudly that they couldn't hear a word I said after Perú :)

And there I was. Knowing where I'd be for the next eighteen months of my life. It felt so unreal but so special at the same time. 

I have the best friends! 

I hung out with my boys and a few girlfriends until like 2:30am talking and laughing so I didn't even have time for it to sink in until the next day when I was like I AM GOING TO BE LIVING IN THIS COUNTRY AND SERVING THESE PEOPLE AND BECOMING A NEW PERSON IN PIURA PERÚ IN 120 DAYS. 

For the past week I've had so much fun researching and reading blogs and getting prepared :) 

And when I'm not thinking all things Perú I have sleepovers with my favorite ladies.  Allie and I moved our mattresses into Alexis' room and it was a serious pow-wow. 

Blueberry and banana pancakes! 

(Reese's chocolate peanut butter spread may or may not have been included) 

Also how did the three amigos not figure out this Skype group chat thing until now?? So fun and so great to catch up with my people! 

Girls Nights again! (I promise I talk to boys...they're just never in the pictures haha) 

New obsession: The Chocolate. white chocolate pazookie was heaven in our mouths. 

and then....DISCO SKATING. 

Greatest night and so many laughs. 

Also: Provo has been 65 degrees this entire week. 

it's FEBRUARY. I don't understand. 

But I'll take it. 

Nowadays when I'm not studying or dancing or galavanting in 65 degree weather I find myself reminiscing on the past 18 years, and how my whole life is about to change in the best way possible. 

I'M GOING TO PERÚ. 

All-caps basically describes my life right now.

 113 days until I embark on the best journey ever. 

"O ye that embark in the service of God, see that ye serve him with all your heart, might, mind and strength, that ye may stand blameless before God at the last day."

D&C 4:2