Thursday thoughts

Sometimes I think I over-analyze and over-reflect on things, but tonight I was working with the missionaries in the MTC and I was reminded of the importance of evaluation. 

Literally any kind of practice or task is worthless without meaningful evaluation. 

So, there´s my justification for another round of self-evaluation -- inspired by a summer's day in Oregon 3 years ago when my flexibility game was slightly stronger, but my life strikingly similar to what it is now...

I came across this picture last night. 

I remember exactly what that day felt like; the wind at the peak of Mt. McLoughlin, tired feet from a long hike, looking at endless, rolling mountains on all sides and feeling overwhelmed at the awe-some world we live in.

I remember high-fiving my brother Seth when we set a new PR time to the summit. 

I remember the songs we listened to on the way, I even remember what I was thinking about... leaving for college in a week, stressed about auditioning for BYU Ballet, and a sense of dread that I was leaving those Oregon mountains I adored. 

And although it was almost 3 years ago, my life is freakishly the same.

Doing hard things.

It's like this consistent, rhythmic pattern that I subconsciously expect to let-up but I'm so grateful that it never does and never will.

While the "hard things" I confront vary year-to-year and even month to month, Heavenly Father makes sure there's never a shortage of mountains to climb. 

There have been ballet auditions, way-tougher-than-expected college classes, super difficult areas on the mission, people to love, weaknesses to hurdle, relationship issues, and my personal favorite which I gladly sign up for: literal mountains to climb. 

And with each scenario, there's a common denominator. 

In the middle of it, it's stressful, a little scary, there's some underlying doubt, and I even ask myself "why the heck am I doing this". 

And then always, always, I get to the summit and I'm just taken aback because it all makes sense and I recognize the learning and growth that He had in store for me.

Every. Single. Time.

It's this consistent, almost calculated pattern that has become predictable and so incredibly meaningful for me. 

They aren't accidents, they're blessings. All of them. Weaknesses, trials, hard exams or rough days. It's a test.
Heavenly Father's up there like "Christine, you know why you started hiking this mountain. You might've forgotten, but regardless, I'm going to let you figure this one out (on your own if you want this to be really rough, or with my help). I'm expecting you to be patient, positive, and persistent, even with your limited perspective and understanding (and your downright flawed character, haha) because I know that if I just solved everything for you, you wouldn't gain the things I have in store for you."

I've learned to recognize his voice and appreciate his plan. 

It has come in large part from prayer, scripture study, the Sabbath Day, and the people around me.

He has taught me that doing hard things is not only his expectation of me, but it is his gift to me. 

With anxiety (the good kind), hope, and peace, I look forward to my next mountains to climb.