Do I deserve it?

April 10, 2017.

Lately, I've been feeling like I did at a specific time on my mission....

Confused. 

Completely, utterly confused.

I go to bed at night and wonder: What did I do to deserve these blessings? 

My mind reflects on everything that has been happening.... like acing my Accounting tests, getting my dream job at the MTC, having my family here for a week, incredible friends, and health & strength. 

And I wonder, why? With all the mistakes I've made this semester and the times I've neglected my spiritual well-being, What did I do to deserve this?

I think I received my answer this fast Sunday.

Blessings from heaven are not based on a quota of "good deeds" we have to achieve.

They are not conditional upon our merits or even on the progress we make.

Our imperfections don't limit them, (thank goodness)

and perfection isn't the requirement to receive them. 

He just blesses us because he loves us.

Do we "deserve" it? 

Not in the slightest. 

We are imperfect, flawed, ungrateful, and naturally selfish beings. 

No matter how hard we try, we could never do enough to "earn" divine blessings. 

We are fallen. We can't merit anything of ourselves. 

That's where one of my favorite scriptures comes in:

"...there is no flesh that can dwell in the presence of God, save it be through the merits, and mercy, and grace of the Holy Messiah, who layeth down his life according to the flesh, and taketh it again by the power of the Spirit, that he may bring to pass the resurrection of the dead, being the first that should rise." 2 Nephi 2:8

I don't deserve it. But because of Him, I can still receive it. Truly it is only through the atoning blood of Jesus Christ that we can be cleansed, healed, and strengthened. He makes it possible for us to lay hold upon every good thing and ultimately achieve eternal life.

I've come to learn that he is my greatest cheerleader. He wants me to succeed. 

I hope that I can show my gratitude, and appreciation, and love every day for all that He's given me.

And don't get me wrong, there are trials too. Someday, I'll write about a deeply personal and terrifyingly difficult thing I've had to go through. But my heart is calm. These blessings are the blanket that envelops me, making it impossible to feel alone or discouraged, even when I'm going through something hard. 

"He shall consecrate thine afflictions for thy gain... thy soul shall be blessed and thou shalt dwell safely [here]..." 2 Nephi 2: 2-3

Peace. That's what he's given me this semester. I'm so grateful for the Prince of Peace. I love him. He is my Master and Friend. 

Here is a taste of his hand in my life: