what did i get myself into

Completely honest right now, I am nervous and scared for my mission.

Maybe it's because of the hermana's blog I was reading today (same mission):

"Water is so hard to get here. They have to bring it to you in big jugs! So we ran out of drinking water about 2 days ago..."

"I might sizzle like an egg here. It is HOT HOT HOT. I've never sweat so much in my entire life." 

"We were contacting a guy in the street and he confronted us about exactly where Christ came to the Americas and said "you girl need study, you don't even know your own doctrine."" 

"God really tested my testimony. Not that I ever doubted my testimony, but I felt kind of weak. Thoughts of discouragement came like what am I doing why am I here kind of days." 

So it dawned on me. This is going to be hard. 

Really, really hard.

In a few months here I'm going to know what it's like to be disappointed, suffering from the heat, persecuted, discouraged, homesick, and burned out. 

My mission call was not a passport to a vacation to a foreign country. This is a call to serve, whatever the cost. 

And don't get me wrong, this hermana isn't a pessimistic missionary having the worst experience of her life, those are just the hard parts I picked out of her posts :)

But I love that she is real and raw about her experience. Here's another excerpt I love: 

"It was hard for me when I first got here in the mission field. The whole day I walked around thinking about myself. Thinking about how homesick I was, how much I wanted to eat food from home, how much I didn't want to speak spanish or practice another lesson that I didn't know how to teach then have my trainer tell me what I did wrong. People would tell me how bad I couldn't speak Spanish. Negativity at it's finest. I didn't enjoy waking up in the mornings. Ugh Another Day (so I thought). Don't let me fool you I am so great right now. This was when I got here. It was HARD. I got discouraged and counting the days. Well people I can tell you that missionary work was never easy! Do you think Christ had a jolly time being persecuted or Joseph Smith. Nope they didn't and neither did Hermana Stringham because she didn't know how to LOVE. Today I am a different person. Yeah it's okay if we teach 20 minutes longer and I have 20 minutes less of free time in the night time, because I am helping someone. I am trying to love someone and give them what I love most. THE GOSPEL. I used to live the gospel but now I LOVE the gospel. It is apart of who I am. 

That is my long spheeellll. Don't be suprised. Every missionary feels this way they just don't have the guts to write it. 

Through trials come blessings. Through trials come STRENGTH. I am a stronger person than I was a year ago."

That statement strengthened me a lot, along with my scripture study today in 3 Nephi Chapter 18: 

When Christ was visiting the Americas he instituted the sacrament to his 12 disciples and asked them to eat of the bread and wine and share it with the multitude. He told them: "Blessed are ye for this thing which ye have done, for this is fulfilling my commandments, and this doth witness unto the Father that ye are willing to do that which I have commanded you." 

So this is a small thing he's asking them to do--just eat the bread and wine and give it to the multitude--but it is an act of witnessing to Him that they're willing to do what they're commanded to do. The disciples at the time probably didn't know what they were in for; they were about to go out and teach hundreds of people who didn't have the truth and eventually be killed for what they believe.     But because of their faith in Jesus Christ, they did it. 

When I read this, I thought of my mission call. Really, it's a small thing. "Dear so-and-so, you're hereby called to this country speaking this language. Report to the MTC at this date to serve for 18 months."  

Those instructions really aren't that complicated -- but when I accepted that call to Piura I was witnessing to my Father that from here on out, I am His. I will do anything He asks me to do. 

Just like the disciples, I don't really know what I'm in for. But I know that it is worth it because of my faith in Him.  

So to tie this all together: what exactly are the blessings I'm going to get from these rough times--dehydrated in the relentless desert of Perú getting yelled at for what I believe? 

"And if ye shall always do these things blessed are ye, for ye are built upon my rock...a sure foundation, whereon if [you] build [you] cannot fall."

"And if ye do always remember me, ye shall have my Spirit to be with you." 

"And if ye shall bring save it be one soul unto me, how great shall be your joy with him in the kingdom of my Father." 

And as Hermana Stringham described, she has learned how to love and she's stronger for it. 

Those blessings are so worth it. 

I was nervous and scared about an hour ago, but Heavenly Father has witnessed to me that I cannot fall if I follow Him on this journey. 

He's already walked it before, and he'll be with me every step of the way. 

side note: I noticed today that it says I have 105 days to go but that just doesn't add up for June 2, so I looked into it further and MY DATE WAS CHANGED. My heart sunk when I saw "June 16" because  that means I'll have to wait another 2 weeks...but I'm not giving up hope because it might be a mistake or something...I'll find out tomorrow.

But even if it's for real, I trust God's timing and I know it's for a reason. 

week of fasting

Sunday was March 1st (first of all, I just barely reconciled the fact that it was february. I can't keep up with life right now). Second of all, that means fast sunday for the Mormon church. 

24 hours no food no water, zip, nada. 

But it's more than just starvation, it's actually a way to learn self-mastery. 

I look at it like this: we have this bodily appetite, right? We need food. (and esp. water b/c I basically drink crater lake every day) 

When we go without those things, we're overcoming our "natural man" to gain spiritual strength. 

In that state of physical weakness, we remember how much we need the bread of life, our Savior Jesus Christ, even more than physical food. 

I'm personally more in tune with the Spirit on Fast Sundays and I experience a greater access to God's help. 

As was said in a lesson at church, "fasting is a purifying process." 

And then the goal is to seek to retain that spirit of fasting even after fast sunday. 

So this week I was like -- "challenge accepted".

Commence: Operation Social Media Fast 

I know, I know technically blogging is social media...but I'll be posting on the daily here about my testimony and tender mercies throughout the week!

(but seriously zero insta, fb, or snapchat)

^^^Deleted. Not a trace.  

Day Número Uno: 

Scripture of the Day: 3 Nephi 17:10 

"And they did all, both they who had been healed and they who were whole, bow down at his feet, and did worship him; and as many as could come for the multitude did kiss his feet, insomuch that they did bathe his feet with their tears." 

It didn't matter whether they were whole or healed, broken or complete, depressed or joyful they all bowed down and worshipped him tearfully.  This became one of my favorite scriptures last year when I realized that I had been waiting until I was whole to come unto Christ, when all along I was getting worse. 

I know from personal experience that when we feel unworthy to pray or inadequate to come before God or feel like our situation is hopeless, THAT is the time to come unto Christ. 

If we wait until we're whole or better or improved or happier, then we'll never get there. 

He asks us to fall at his feet, and as we bathe his feet with our tears, he will heal us. 

Tender mercies:

Okay let's be honest, Mondays are so rough. Especially after staying up ridiculously late all weekend because, college. 

But a definite tender mercy was what my Bishop said yesterday:

"Just get up.

Do what you need to do.

Everything will work out."

And it did. 

I loved the rain which just made the whole day fresh.

I got to dance my heart out to a lyrical jazz routine to Celine Dion (that lady is my idol).

My BoM class was incredible as per usual. Brother Ball is a phenomenal professor and always knows exactly what I need to hear :) 

I was blessed with motivation to get a lot of homework done this afternoon and evening despite being realllyyy tired. 

I decided to meet up with Allie at the Cougareat for dinner (sometimes you just need Chick-fil-A after days of the CANC) 

So we're eating and laughing and start to walk back and...this happened.

Wear your hoodie's, kids. #poorAllie

The night finished off with some Latin American art history, Bio reading, cookie dough ice cream (total hypocrite with that self-mastery talk...tomorrow is a new day haha), scripture study, and blogging. 

Not gonna lie, there were about 57 times when I unlocked my phone only to remember that insta wasn't there but REALITY CHECK SISTER. You don't need instagram. Life is happening. 

I'm already sold on this social media fast thing. It is fantastic. 

Until tomorrow, invisible audience. 

^jokes just realized it's 1am. snap